graceful and green as a stem

Most of the people who read this journal also follow me on either Twitter or Facebook, so most of you have seen choppy, miserable mini-updates. The short form is that my mom, who on Sunday seemed to be feeling kind of lousy but otherwise okay, is dying pretty quickly of metastatic pancreatic cancer. Yesterday it felt pessimistic but realistic to say she won't see Christmas; tonight I think it's likely she won't make it to her 61st birthday on November 16th.

I probably don't need to say this, but this is pretty much the worst thing that's ever happened to me (she is the first close relative I've had die), and of course, it's worse still for her and my dad.

I keep thinking I'm cried out, and then proving myself wrong, but I am mostly holding it together pretty well.

For about 24 hours I have been mulling over whether I can realistically keep up decent school performance while also spending enough time with her before she dies, or if I should withdraw from classes and pick back up with winter quarter. It all depends on how you define "enough;" I talked to my doctor (who also lost his mother to a sudden-onset metastatic cancer) about it, and he encouraged me to withdraw. I was waiting to talk to my parents about it before I made a decision, especially my mom, who provided a lot of the motivation and resources that allowed me to go back to school -- I thought she might strongly discourage me from halting classes, but in fact she said she would like it if I did that, so now my plan is to go in to school tomorrow and talk to advisors and financial aid and figure out how to withdraw with incompletes on the courses I can realistically pick back up later. (Unfortunately, ASL is going to have to be a W grade instead, I think, because of the sequence of language classes.)

Plus, of course, Tuesday is my birthday. I don't have too much more to say about that. Well, maybe Shawn will share his birthday with me this year. Mine's sure not going to be much fun.

I've been meaning to post a notice for several weeks now -- I haven't checked either DW or LJ since about the 4th of July, and I haven't missed it, so I don't expect to start again.

I was thinking of using the mass security tool on LJ to privatize all my old posts, but evidently I need to have a paid account for that, and the reason I don't have one anymore is that I don't want them to have any more money on my behalf.

Eight years was a pretty good run, and longer than any other website has managed to hold my attention.

This entry was originally posted at http://wendolen.dreamwidth.org/587627.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

I got a response from NARAL that same day, but have been overwhelmed with schoolwork. My ballot arrived yesterday, which reminded me that I need to clear this up.

Dear Wendy

Thanks for emailing. The language of the referendum is very confusing - if it qualifies, the referendum will be asking folks if they want to PRESERVE the legislation (not overturn it) making it a YES vote. You can visit the website to get more information about the language: http://eqfed.org/campaign/Approve_Ref_71. Opponents of equal rights are using contradictory language on purpose – the petition they were using to qualify Ref 71 for the ballot asked people to sign in order to overturn the legislation. However if the ballot qualifies, the language would ask voters to preserve the law as passed.

I hope this helps and I can assure you we are on the right side and want to assure equal rights for all.

Alissa Haslam
Public Policy & Field Director
NARAL Pro-Choice Washington

elladisenchanted also left a nice clear comment to my last post on this subject.

Basically, I was so caught up in "decline to sign," etc., that my internal monolog was all "No no no on R-71!" But I was wrong, and now that it is on the ballot, we should vote to approve it.

This entry was originally posted at http://wendolen.dreamwidth.org/587359.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

This morning I received an email from NARAL WA's updates list containing their endorsements for the WA primary -- most of us will be receiving ballots early next week. I nearly deleted it, but decided to skim it, and I'm glad I did, because I found a rather shocking tidbit:

STATEWIDE INITIATIVES:
No on I-1033: Tim Eyman's latest initiative would devastate state funding for key programs including state funding for healthcare.
Yes on Ref. 71: if qualified for the November ballot, R-71 would preserve Washington's recently expanded domestic partners statute.

Sure, sure, I vote no on anything Tim Eyman is associated with, no surprise there... wait, WTF? I'll paste the next bit again, with emphasis.

Yes on Ref. 71: if qualified for the November ballot, R-71 would preserve Washington's recently expanded domestic partners statute.

...

.....

Clearly they've been getting their information from those out-of-state paid signature gatherers that heinousbitca tweeted about a few weeks ago.

So, I tried to set them straight. (*cough* no pun intended)

Hello,

I am concerned about your endorsement of R-71 -- although some of their signature gatherers have indeed been telling people that it is a pro-queer referendum, in fact the "Yes" campaign's website is http://protectmarriagewa.com/ and contains choice bits such as:

The mission of the new PAC is to organize the effort to gather the 120,577 required signatures for Referendum 71 by July 25, 2009 to bring the controversial Senate Bill 5688 before the voters of Washington State in November. SB 5688 is a 110 page document which includes the phrase "marriage shall apply equally to state registered domestic partnerships" 180 times.

SB 5688 was packaged and presented to the legislature as a Domestic Partnerships expansion of benefits. In truth, it will demolish the state's historical understanding and definition of marriage as that of uniting a man and a woman for life as Washington State will immediately become subject to litigation by same-sex partners demanding that the courts overturn the Defense of Marriage Act and impose "same-sex marriage" (as happened recently in California prior to Proposition 8).

In fact, R-71 is intended by its writers to overturn recent domestic partnership legislation. I realize that same-sex marriage is not one of NARAL's causes, but I can't help but think your endorsement of this referendum was based on a misunderstanding of its effects if passed. If I am right, I hope you will send a retraction of that endorsement to your mailing list subscribers.

Thank you,

Wendy Ashmun

I will post about any response and/or retraction I see.

This entry was originally posted at http://wendolen.dreamwidth.org/587027.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Those who read Michael Pollan's "The Omnivore's Dilemma" will recognise those names. Basically, Pollan's book is really about whether eating animal products can be healthy for us and the planet. He goes and visits cageless chicken farms, he talks to monoculture corn farmers in the Midwest, he buys a feedlot steer and goes to visit him. He also spends six weeks at Polyface Farm, essentially as an unpaid intern, just helping with the work.

Polyface Farm is one example of "beyond organic," where rather than simply avoiding the inorganic inputs but otherwise conforming to the assumptions of 20th century industrialized agriculture, they try really hard to mimic nature, and to raise meat sustainably and humanely. There are several farms in WA that are doing similar things.

I think this is relevant to lesson 2 because most of the ecological footprint calculators I've found simply ask the user if they do or don't eat meat and dairy, and how often. The assumption by the calculator makers is obviously that all meat comes from Tyson or Hormel, is all grown in some kind of hellish shed in another time zone and trucked a long way. While it's certainly true that most of the meat on the market is grown under these conditions, and if your criterion when shopping for groceries is simply to get the most meat for your dollar that is what you will be buying, I dispute the implication that the only way for us to be responsible stewards of the earth is to take up a vegetarian diet.

The text is taken from a post I just wrote to my Env150 online course message board.

This entry was originally posted at http://wendolen.dreamwidth.org/586803.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

I realized last Thursday, while doing some numbers about fall quarter registration, that I appear to need roughly 30 more credits on my AA after this quarter, which should mean I will be ready to transfer to UW for spring quarter.

I'm going to see an academic adviser after class today and have her go over my numbers, make sure I haven't overlooked any prereqs, etc, but after that I think the next order of business is to start writing my personal statement and getting my UW application ready.

Being at UW for spring quarter means arriving in sequence to take German 103. Tomorrow I complete WAL's German 4, which is equivalent to completing UW's German 102, so I decided yesterday not to continue at WAL. It's a sad decision, because I have liked my classmates and teacher a lot, but getting back the 8-10 hours per week I spent in class and in transit will do me good, and I have tools to practice in the interim.

It also occurred to me yesterday that I may be able to transfer WAL/SPU credits toward my AA at SCCC, rather than just toward my BA at UW -- if that's the case, I'll need only 22 more credits, which means my rule of thumb of 12 credits per quarter (the bare minimum to receive finaid for full time attendance) will work fine.

Assuming the adviser tells me I got the math right, my next goal is to have the UW app ready before the start of fall quarter. (Before the end of summer quarter would be even better, but it's always going to be lower priority than homework.)

This entry was originally posted at http://wendolen.dreamwidth.org/586547.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Last night when he came home from work, Shawn surprised me with a box of cupcakes from this new place in Belltown, a shiny (well, matte) new Nintendo DSi, and copies of Chrono Trigger and Dragon Warrior IV to play on it -- possibly my two favorite console games ever. After a bit of squee, I exclaimed, "It's like my birthday and Christmas all at once!" "Except I bought you something," he quipped.

Anyway: the cupcakes are pretty good. Their "tomato soup" signature flavor, which prompted much wtf when I first read their flavor list, is actually a really nice spice cake. Their chocolate toffee cupcake is excellent as well. Their chocolate/chocolate pales next to Trophy, and in general I think their cake and frostings are both not quite as good as Trophy's, but better than Cupcake Royale. Certainly worth a visit. Maybe when morgyne is in town we can manage to take her to Cupcake Royale, Trophy, and Yellow Leaf.

This entry was originally posted at http://wendolen.dreamwidth.org/586341.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

If someone you trust says something, and their words hurt you, why would you ever assume that was their intent?

This entry was originally posted at http://wendolen.dreamwidth.org/586102.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

When I was in 3rd grade at Fall City Elementary (yes, this was a public school), there was a poster on the wall that had been painted by a previous class. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Jesus said that, and we were taught that you should do that because Jesus said so.

I think this lesson is pretty common in American childhood, and I don't think most people examine it again, but I do periodically, and events this afternoon brought it to mind again.

When people talk about quantum theory and parallel realities, they talk about how each change, each decision, creates a world where A happened, and one where B happened.

So each time you say something cruel for the fun of it, you create a reality where people do that. Each time you take pride in "not pulling any punches," you create a reality where people don't pull punches. Every time you treat a partner badly, for the stated purpose of getting her to break up with you, you create a reality like that. You create a you like that. You create a reality where more people are behaving in that way, and if you don't like being treated that way, if you want people to be gentle when you're hurting, you have to start being gentle when they are hurting.

This entry was originally posted at http://wendolen.dreamwidth.org/585799.html

Well, really it's a pretty old bike, but new to me!

A couple years ago, stpdfool acquired a sweet little blue Miyata touring bike, about 25 years old, and named her Aoi. He has loved her a lot, but come to the conclusion that she's just not big enough for him without a new stem for the handlebars. Last summer we trekked out to Aaron's and he did their bike fitting rigamarole and learned this, and that day I rode her a little and also liked her a lot... and she's about the right size for me.

Over the winter he also realized that the purported bike storage at his place isn't actually watertight, so at this point she has a fair amount of superficial rust and scale, but a good cleaning should take care of that. He adjusted the seat back down to a good height for me today, and lubed up the shifters, and I've taken two short little rides today. (I'm totally out of shape, so just doing a couple of laps down to the cul-de-sac and back had me huffing and puffing and my legs feeling very tight. I'm thinking I'll just make a point to do a few short rides every day, getting longer as my stamina and confidence increase.) (Also, I foolishly left my bike helmet outside over the winter, and there are cracks in the foam, so I haven't been wearing it, which is the other reason to keep the rides short until I replace it.)

The Trek bike Shawn helped me buy in the summer of '05 has been pretty much a solid disappointment to me, which is a shame, but I think I'll take it to Recycled Cycles and trade it in for credit. (I should probably pay them a visit and see if they actually have stuff I want to buy, first.)

This entry was originally posted at http://wendolen.dreamwidth.org/585634.html. Please comment there using OpenID.